Me STILL vs Swimming

I failed at swimming again today, and possibly in more critical and diverse ways than last time.

First, I thought I would be smart and go from work to swimming. In order to do this, I got really smart and planned ahead, putting all the swim gear in the van last night. Now I wouldn't forget anything!

Except non-work clothing and deck shoes. 

I arrived at the pool in a lovely pair of work slacks, a camisole, and some cute little wedge heels. I was ready for the pool deck....if I was filming an episode of The Real Housewives. On the other hand, walking around in heels and a bathing suit did make me feel like I was part of a Miss-Somewhere pageant. All I want is World Peace. 

My inappropriate attire aside, the truly appalling part of the day was the swimming lesson itself. As you already know, my kicking is about as effective as my 2 year old's critical thinking skills. In fact, I've realized that part of the problem I am having, is that because my ability to kick is so embarrassingly poor, my legs keep sinking and I spend half the time pulling my lower half up, and the rest of it gasping for air. 

You wouldn't believe how graceful I look. I think I'd use the word majestic.

And today was no exception. My floundering became so painful to watch that the coach had to get into the water to try to figure out how I could be so terrible at such a simple action.  Watching from above was not offering any explanation as to why I was being passed by flotsam, and apparently it required closer examination.  

The overall consensus is that basically my legs are either too rigid or too floppy at any given time. I'm evidently not capable of finding that happy medium. In addition to my unwilling legs, I seem to turn one foot in slightly, which does go a long way to explaining why I keep veering left. Like, ALL THE TIME. I have no idea how to fix that. Back to flippers, I guess.

So to summarize, today I managed a comically inappropriate outfit, stiff/
floppy legs, and unlike Zoolander, I can turn left.


I still can't believe I haven't drowned yet.